I’m dedicating this blog to everyone who has lost their Mother, and who fell into a place of indescribable deep hurt that they never imagined this moment could ever take them to. I am at this place, and I understand.
I lost my Mom suddenly on Thursday evening, October 19, 2017, and I wasn’t able to make it to her side in time. When I got the phone call that my Mom had passed, I screamed, fell to the floor, and cried like never before. I was full of pain, disbelief, shock, my soul was crushed, and a part of me died at that moment. I’m a very resilient woman who has endured many hardships in life, and I never thought the loss of my Mom would bring me down to this point of such deep unbearable sorrow. Watching my own son crash from a round of 5 vaccinations at 15-months was devastating and heartbreaking … and this experience was just as bad.
A Mother is irreplaceable. She is the one who carries you in her womb for 9 months, gives birth to you, lays you on her chest forming that instant bond, feeds you from her own body to provide all that’s needed for you to grow and thrive, supports you through the learning process as you fall and get back up, kisses you when your hurt or just because she loves to do this, listens to you even when sometimes you don’t make sense, hears her name called a trillion times throughout the day yet still answers every time, watches you grow as she cries because you keep getting bigger-and-bigger, and gives you the closest example of unconditional love that our Heavenly Father displays to us daily.
When you get into your twenty’s, thirty’s, or forty’s, her around-the-clock love and being there for you never stops. Mom’s do not have a time clock that they get to punch-out on each day … it’s a never-ending bond and responsibility that begins at conception in the womb and remains until she takes her last breath. A daughter or son learns how to become self-efficient; cook, clean, have manners, learn how to treat their siblings nicely, how to share with others, how to problem solve, and how to respect others. These qualities are led by example from observing the woman they call Mom, who runs and organizes the household as best as she can. Some Mom's are single and raise their children doing it all (my Mom did this for several years), while some are married and tend to the house, meals, children, and all mommy duties so that her husband can go to work and provide for his family without feeling worried about what’s going on at the home-front. He can only do this because he has chosen a partner in life that he knows can steer the ship at home like a solid and faithful captain.
I never got a chance to say goodbye to my Mom since she was taken away from us unexpectantly, however, I can describe to you what type of woman she was.
My Mom Mary was a fighter, dealing with two different types of cancer yet was never afraid, she just placed this label on her ‘To Conquer’ list. Her liver was only functioning at a 50% level, which she was waiting patiently on a long waitlist for a transplant unafraid and undiscouraged. Her doctors placed her on several medications which she took since she trusted them even though one medication, Methotrexate (anti-cancer/chemotherapy drug), was not resulting in any improvement and actually made her feel sick. Sadly, she ended up having a stroke while in bed on Saturday evening and was found in a coma-state by my brave stepdad who rushed her to the nearest hospital. She was not being treated at this time by her own doctors because she was too weak and fragile to be transported anywhere else. She began to pull-through and talk again, telling my stepdad that he “saved her life.” Everyone thought she would soon be going back home where many family members could care for her. Devastatingly, within the 5 days at the hospital, the doctors kept lowering my Mom’s life expectancy until their last statement was that she had 48/24 hours left. She was then transported to a hospice center 6 miles away, and took her last breath only 5 mins after she was all set-up in her new room. The only person there to witness her go, was her best friend that rode in the ambulance with her. My stepdad drove there like a madman trying to keep up with the ambulance, but unfortunately was 5 mins too late; he, too, never got to say his final goodbye.
The impact a Mother has on her children is forever ingrained into our hearts. This is a bond that will never be broken, and the desire to see and talk to her will never vanish. I am so sorry to all the people that have lost their Mom and are still grieving; my grieving is painful but remembering her smile, laugh, and kindness has gotten me through these last few days. My heart breaks for the spouse who has lost their best friend … nobody can ever understand what this must feel like unless you have, too, lost your most intimate mate for life.
As I’m preparing to fly out for my Mother’s funeral, I am also preparing myself for all these wounds to rise back up to the surface. What has gotten me through the pain, and what has brought so much comfort to me in this devastating season of my life, is the fact that she knew and loved Jesus. She loved the Jesus of the Bible, not organized religion that is embedded with man-made works, terms and philosophy’s; this is different from reading the Word and following the beauty of what it instructs. My Mother witnessed things that confused her, while growing up in a church and going every Sunday since her father physically built the building with his own two-hands and was the pastor. She swore she would never behave in the worldly acts, clicks, or self-righteousness that was circulating within most of the congregation, that she saw as a little girl. She observed how adults acted one way toward their fellow peers, and then when she would walk outside she heard these same people talking disrespectfully about them to their group-click. I applaud my Mother for choosing the Bible and for not wanting to be like these Pharisees. This is not how Jesus treated people, so my Mom did not treat people like this either.
In my opinion, the best gift of wisdom that God has given a child is their Dad and Mom. I am thankful that through it all, my Mom never left me no matter how many dumb stunts I pulled. She saw my son Landen before he was vaccine injured, and then she saw him after his 5 vaccinations that caused his regression into Autism, and she KNEW without a doubt he was harmed by this medical procedure … and stood by my husband and I’s side the entire time in full support. This means so much to me since some family members left, and believe that I should place my son on drugs and put him into a group home. But not my Mom! She disagreed and bragged on how great of a Mother I was for sticking to healing my son naturally and never giving up. It’s unfortunate that some family members say special needs children are a burden … my response back is that their mind is evil and I feel sorry for them; what a negative impact they're adding to the world.
Friends, if you have lost your Mom, please know that you are not alone! If you still have your Mom, please go hug her today and tell her how much you love her.
Titus 2:4-5 “So that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.”
God bless you!